I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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