She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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