he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
