When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My underwear smells like fireworks.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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