i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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