I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
