and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
