my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
