Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i dont even know how to be here
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i out mim tonsoeep
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
