i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
