you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
then he tried to convert me to islam
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
