so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
