Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Randomize
