what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You need a sexual gate keeper
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
