did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Randomize
