dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
