Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
