I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
