just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
