At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
