im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
