he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize