No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
