you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
