Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
