I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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