Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it's like iHOP with fire
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
