C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
