Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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