I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
