My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
