dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
