HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
