You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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