As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
