i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize