what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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