wat bout pragnant strippers??
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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