be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
