I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize