She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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