hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Shitshow foam night was such a success
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
