I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
