DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
This house was built for laser tag.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
