Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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