Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
