Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize