I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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