Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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