If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
