respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize