thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
