until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
