grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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