How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
