Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
sarcasm needs its own font
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
