I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize