eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
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