If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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