someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
