Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
