whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
