I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The feeling are messing with the penis
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
