Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
