Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize