Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
