i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
