if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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