The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
