We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
