this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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