Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
