Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize